So last night I had a really tough time falling asleep. I stayed up late doing who knows what and ended up going to bed at around 1 in the morning. I laid in bed for an hour and a half, wide awake, because I couldn't fall asleep. It was awful.
Finally, at two in the morning, I decided that if I was going to be awake, I might as well do something productive with my time... so I did the sudoku from yesterday's student newspaper haha. Very productive, I know.
Lately I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping. It has really sucked. I don't even know what it is, stress from school, stress from other parts of life, what is it? I really can't figure it out. I do all my homework at night, I always read what is due the next day in class, I've been to every single one of my classes this quarter. It's weird, I just have the hardest time sleeping. I can't sleep because I get anxious, but then I get even more anxious because I can't sleep... Definitely not fun.
Last night, another thing that was keeping me up was that I was thinking about writing. I was thinking about why I have this blog and the fact that I actually enjoy writing in it a lot. I almost feel empty when a day goes by that I haven't written. I know, I know, I haven't actually written in this blog too much... I mean I just started it recently. But for some reason it offers me a sort of escape.
I used to keep journals when I was younger. In middle school and highschool I had notebooks that I would write in. I wrote in a journal on a regular basis for a few years but then I stopped (for a few reasons that I won't go in to on here). I've realized something recently, though, which may be why I will actually make a decent journalist of some sort.
I've realized that I like my voice to be heard. Now, I know that sounds weird.. But hear me out. I used to write for me. I used to write poems, I used to write in a journal, I used to write stories, but the things that I was most proud of, the things that I felt the most accomplished of were the things that other people read. Maybe its some sort of thing that I just enjoy hearing people tell me I'm a good writer or something... I dunno, But I actually really enjoy writing for my English classes and what not. This blog offers me a sort of way for me to offer my writing to other people without being graded for some sort of class or whatever.
Now, depending on who is reading this, people will have different opinions of what I am saying in this blog. One specific person might roll their eyes at me and not quite understand why I got so mad at him all those years ago. I had a journal, you see, and I wrote in it every day I could. I wrote my personal thoughts and everything. Then, somebody read that journal and I nevever wrote in it again. I tried writing occasionally, but I never stuck with it again. The reason I got so mad was because that stuff was supposed to be only for my eyes to see. Of course, we've all learned something from Anne Frank... and that is that you may right a diary or a journal for yourself, but some day the entire world might know your name and might read your inner most secrets without you even knowing it. But really, my journal was just for me. What I am writing here, I know other people will read it, or at least I know that there is a possibility of it being read by others so thats why I feel comfortable sharing what I do.
Anyway, last night I was lying in bed thinking about writing (of all things). I was thinking about different topics that I've wanted to discuss with people or write about. I was thinking about different things that I like to do and that I am interested in, and I was thinking about sharing those things with the world. This blog is my way of sharing those things.
So I came up with a plan.
I'm the kind of person who can't sleep if I have something on my mind. I can't sleep if I have something to do or something that I think I'll forget. I just keep running things through my mind which keeps me awake. I've gotten in to the habit of keeping a note pad next to my bed so that if I ever have one of those moments that I can't go to bed because I have too much on my mind, I just write it down on my note pad so I don't forget it... kind of like a journal of lists, ideas, and things to do.
Last night was one of those nights. I got up at 2:30 and turned on my light. I wrote down all the ideas I had for getting my voice to be heard. I wrote down the ideas I have for my blog. I wrote down different topics I'm interested in discussing and writing about. And I decided that I'm actually going to write about them.
My blog offers a place for people to read my opinions and stories and thoughts if they want to. If not, then they can just avoid it. It offers me a chance to be argumentative and voice my opinion without any immediate opposition. If people want to argue with me or tell me what they are thinking, they are more than welcome to, in fact, I'd greatly appreciate it. But at least when I'm writing my blog, it's just my thoughts - not what other people are saying, not me trying to convince somebody of something, not me faltering in my opinion because I don't want to sound dumb, it's just ME.
So here's what I'm going to do:
I am going to pledge to write in my blog at least three times a week.
One entry will be just random, whenever I feel like writing something random (like my Sydney White posts) I will.
One entry will be a picture of the week. I have an amazing camera, a Canon Digital Rebel, which I absolutely love to use but I have no chance to go out and use it. So I'm going to take pictures every week and post at least one of those pictures that I take per week. That way I get to use my camera more often and I can get more in touch with my creative side. Because I love photography.
The other entry will be a topic of the week. I will pull a topic from the list I wrote down last night, and I will write about it. Those blogs will probably be long (kind of like this one) but they will be my opinions and thoughts beyond my every day life. As I come up with new ideas, I'll write them down on my bedside notepad and then I'll write about them on here. I already have so many ideas.
So there you have it, regular and random posts, at least one picture post, and one deep thought post every week. I'm going to try to come up with a creative name for my picture and deep thought post series, but we'll see.
Okay, I'm pretty drained right now considering it is 1:30 in the morning; and as I said before, last night I didn't get to sleep until after 3. Plus, this blog is long enough. I tend to write more than anybody else's blog I've looked at. Maybe they're supposed to be short and sweet? I don't know. I'll learn though. I'm still new to this whole "blog" thing... so we'll see how it goes. Like I said, I'll learn.
Anyway, that's more than enough for now.
Good night, sleep well, until next time.
Oh yeah, and one last thought, I'm SO excited to go home tomorrow for 24 hours to help my little sister get ready for prom. I'm taking pictures and helping her get dressed and all that good stuff. I couldn't be more proud of her... she will look absolutely beautiful, I have no doubt.