there is nothing like it...

And of course, I am talking about LOVE.

The amount of love I have seen today has been amazing.

I started my day an hour earlier than usual because I had a meeting for the Love Out Loud Campaign on campus, and I left that meeting feeling stressed and overwhelmed; thank goodness Aubrea and Laina were there to calm me down. Later, I left work early so that I could work on more Love Out Loud stuff, and now I'm sitting in class working on it even more.

You'd think that would be stressful (and it is), but it is also extremely rewarding.

So far today I have seen these messages of love directly related to the Love Out Loud Campaign:

• somebody commented on the Love Out Loud Campaign blog, and had wonderful words to say (thank you!)
• the woman, Michelle, we met with this morning was very excited about the campaign and the event
• we received an e-mail from a girl whose friend told her about the campaign and she wants to know how she can get involved - it is always amazing to hear that people are talking about our event when we aren't even there!
• the president of Inter Fraternity Council e-mailed me and wants me to come speak to the guys at their IFC meeting tonight

That doesn't even include the response that I got last night from speaking at two sorority meetings on campus and the wonderful response we have received every time we have spoken about our event to different professors and people of authority around campus.

It also doesn't include the inspiration for this post which is this:

Carly just called me and I left class to pick up the phone - boy am I glad I did! She told me that my friends and family had already donated over $700 to the campaign and had sent wonderful letters of encouragement. 

I burst into tears. My hands are shaking and my heart is racing. I am seriously blown away.

I don't even know how to BEGIN to say thank you to all of the people who have supported this project. I knew I had wonderful friends and family, but I just never anticipated how much they have taken to this project and how much they wanted to support it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! You are all amazing and I wish I could give you each a HUGE hug right now. 

You are the ones who make this project worth it - you are the ones who are helping me make a difference on the Cal Poly campus, and in the lives of so many students and people in San Luis Obispo. It is because of you that this campaign will grow and will reach so many more people. 

You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are loved. 

I am not quite sure how I got so lucky as to have every single one of you in my life.

Love, Rachel

fill in the blank

I hate posting twice in one day. Like, really hate it. But sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do! I'm not tired, but I figure I will be once I finish this post.

Fellow blogger Lauren over at The Little Things We Do does this cute thing on Fridays where she posts random "fill in the blank" questions and encourages her blog readers to fill in the blanks with their own answers. Even though it's not Friday, I figure I can still participate... right?

So here is my first set of fill in the blanks:

1.   If my house was on fire and I could only grab 3 things I would grab my laptop (it has all of my pictures from Spain and everywhere else I've been on it - as well as all of my documents, etc.), my teddy bear, Teddy, who I've had since I was 25 days old, and my scrapbooks because they are filled with memories and keepsakes (can you tell I'm a sucker for photos and things that have no monetary value, but all the sentimental value in the world?)

2.  A smell I really like is apple cinnamon candles (they are burning in my room right now), popcorn (I am physically incapable of going to a movie at a theater and skipping the snack counter), and fresh baked goods (bread, cookies, cakes, etc.)

3.  Something you might not know about me is I'm a nerd (I hide it well), and on a (kind of but not really) separate note, I am studying Journalism but what I would have been really good at is Engineering

4.  Some of my favorite websites to putter about on are Design Sponge, any home improvement/design website, DIY websites, Bookshelf Porn (you should look at it, I LOVE bookshelves, and that website is addicting), I have a whole list of blogs I read literally every single day - if I listed them all you would hate me

5.  This weekend I will ... since the weekend is over, here's what I did: went to a fraternity semi-formal (the last one I will ever go to, and only the second one I have ever been to), had a champagne brunch with biscuits and gravy and play ladder golf, had an impromptu One Tree Hill marathon with my roomies, helped Krista with a phonto shoot for her sorority, presented the Love Out Loud Campaign to two sororities on campus so that they can get involved :)

6. Nothing makes me happier than feeling relaxed and happy - no anxiety - and being able to sit on the couch and watch movies with some of my best friends without feeling guilty, knowing that I made a difference in someone's life, Europe

7.  A bad habit I have is  biting my nails. It is gross, the worst habit ever, something I have done since I was little, and a habit I cannot break no matter how hard I try or what methods I commit to using in order to stop. Help?

So there you have it - that was kind of fun, hehe.

Love, Rachel

P.S. Do you ever get a really strong urge to do something and not know why? On Friday I got a really strong urge (almost like a yearning) to get a tattoo.. this isn't a new feeling, in fact it happens rather frequently, but I have no idea what I want to get... thoughts?

intermission

I think that, a while ago, I mentioned that I am trying to take a class just for fun each quarter until I graduate. Last quarter I took Beekeeping, next quarter I hope to take a photography class (either digital or black and white), and this quarter I am taking a class that is all about The Beatles.

Although I find the group fascinating, I won't bore you with all of my Beatles knowledge and why I think they are such funny lads ;)

Instead, I will just leave you with this little video clip from their movie Help! which I happen to be watching at this very moment as part of the lab portion of my class. This clip is literally the most random thing ever. Although you don't get the full effect of the video without watching the rest of the movie, I'm sure you can appreciate that this portion of the movie is completely unrelated to anything else that goes on in the movie.



This is just one example of how weird these men were (and still are).

I'm a sucker for the Beatles. Always have been, always will be.

new favorite

Tilt shift is one of my  new favorite photo/video editing styles. I only have Photoshop Elements, not the actual software so I don't have the ability to apply the effect to my own photos (or the money to buy the rest of the software), but I think it looks really cool.

For those of you who don't know, the short definition of tilt shift is an effect that you can apply to your photos that makes it look like a model. Weird, but cool :)

Here is a cool video of it (at the Happiest Place on Earth):

day 7

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do

Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for

Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on

Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (write a letter).

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.

Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 - What's the best thing going for your right now?

Day 28 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 - Something you  hope to change about yourself and why.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

My family has made my life worth living for. Although I have had some (extremely) tough times with them and we haven't always gotten along, I don't know what I would do without them. Some of them have been there since the day I was born, others came into my life after my parents got divorced, and others have moved on from this world - it doesn't matter whether they are related by blood or marriage, or if they have been "adopted" into my family simply because they are great people, every single one is part of the most wonderful group of people I know. Over the past few years, maybe because I haven't been living at home, I have really realized how much I love them and miss them (especially my cousins who I don't see all that often).

Specifically I want to focus in on my littlest sister, Liana. Although I love my entire family immensely, Liana is my blood sister which, as my mother never ceases to remind me, means that I share the most genes with her than any other person in the world. When we were little we fought ALL THE TIME. Heck, we still fight a lot.

But she left for college in August and I miss her so much. She is all the way across the country and I wish I could talk to her and see her more often. I love it when she smiles and when she is doing well. I love when we are both at home at my dad's house and she comes and cuddles with my on the couch - even if it means she is feeling sad and just needs a hug. Generally, a hug is what I need too. 

Liana is my beautiful, strong, and wonderful little sister and I love her. She makes my life worth living.

could have been love

This video was posted on A Cup Of Jo today and I just couldn't help but share it as well.



Wasn't that cute? and oh so true?
I totally do that! (I know, I'm pathetic).

Love.

exhaustion

Do you ever get to a point in your day-to-day life where you are so tired of the same old routine, but you don't know how to change it? That's how I feel right now. It's like I'm in a rut and I have no idea how to pull myself out. Maybe it's that I am so bogged down with homework, work, and Love Out Loud Campaign stuff that I just don't have time for other things - including relaxation and my own thoughts. This week I have three midterms (yuck) and almost an entire book to read for each one... exhausting? Yes... extremely.

Anyway, last weekend should have been a nice break from the monotony of my day to day life - I headed down to San Diego with a few friends. We all brought our cameras (all Canons and proud of it) and hoped to get some good pictures at Balboa Park, the Birch Aquarium, and San Diego in general. Unfortunately, the change of scenery didn't get me too excited about taking pictures. I really wasn't in the mood at all, so I didn't mess with my settings too much or worry about lighting or composition.

In any case, here are some of the pictures that I took while in beautiful SD:

Out of focus, and kinda awkward because it is a picture of two of my best friends - but I like it because it was snapped without looking through the viewfinder and it has so much sky. Funky but fun and romantic. (Sorry C, I'll take it down if you want me to)

 Beautiful Balboa Park

One of my favorites - I love these purple flowers

I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

(I love Finding Nemo.. and beautiful fish... and jellies)

Beautiful sea horses (one of my favorite parts about this aquarium)

Sea Dragons!!

I'm sorry if I come off like I am complaining, that is definitely not my intention. Obviously I have a pretty good life and I am surrounded by beautiful scenery and wonderful people. It is actually kind of nice that I am busy and have things like the campaign that I am working on because it makes me feel like I am accomplishing something and making a difference. Complaining is, once again, not my intention. I think, occasionally, everybody feels like they are in a rut - eventually you find your way out though.

sunrise

Have you ever started your day at a different time than usual? It makes you see the world in a whole different way. Like, this morning I realized that the world looks extremely different at 6:45 vs. 8:45 in the morning. 

I live in California which means that we are known for our sunsets (you know, the whole rise in the east, set in the west thing)... although our sunrises, as I learned today, are also pretty wonderful.

The sunrise was definitely beautiful (even though I only saw it while I was still waking up, from the window of the No. 4 bus.. and then from the conference room at work), however next time I see the sunrise, I'd like it to be something romantic... or at least by choice. 

Photo via Flickr

P.S. I'm getting sick so I am going to bed like... now (I know, it's only 9:30, don't judge me). I have to be well rested because we have a Farmers Market booth for the Love Out Loud Campaign tomorrow night, and then we have a big fundraiser at Applebees on Saturday morning.

I don't have time to be sick.

day 6

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do

Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for

Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on

Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (write a letter).

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.

Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 - What's the best thing going for your right now?

Day 28 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 - Something you  hope to change about yourself and why.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

The one thing that keeps coming back to my mind whenever I think of a question like this is: I hope I never have to bury a child. 

I know that sounds so morbid, but it's true. I think there is probably nothing sadder than a parent burying their child - it doesn't matter whether the child is a newborn, seventeen, or forty three - a parent should never have to bury their child. 

Part of it has to do with the fact that it is so sad when children pass away - they have so much more life in them and so many more things that they should experience. But the other part is just that it is just so sad. You go into parenthood believing that you are going to watch your children grow up, raise them into beautiful people, and then at the end of your very long and happy life, they (along with their families) will bury you - not the other way around.

So I hope I never have to bury a child. I'm sure you all would agree.

(This was also Krysten's from After I Do, but I promise it had nothing to do with her post. It is something that I came up with on my own - but I do find it sad that we both, along with many other people, fear this occurrence in our lives.)

Additional Note: Every single day I check the news right when I wake up and right before I go to sleep (and multiple times in between... I'm a journalism student for goodness sake). This article that I just came across on my nighttime news check is pretty closely related to the post I put up a few minutes ago. Instead of writing a new post, I figured I would just share it here. 


Click here to read the beautiful and heart warming story of a pilot who showed such compassion to one of his passengers. You might want to bring tissues. (Also, if you want the ABC news version, click here)


The story is so sad, yet it also gives me faith for humanity - that when there are such creeps in the world (like a boyfriend who kills his significant other's child), there are also AMAZING people out there who might come through for you when you need it most (such as the pilot who delayed his flight for the grandfather of the small child). 

the senior project... finally!!!

I know I have been talking about my Senior Project for a really really long time. It has come up in posts that it really has nothing to do with, I dream about it at night, I breathe it in and out every single breath, it is basically all consuming. But this is the post I am going to actually tell you what I'm working on. I know it is a long post and it is an intense topic, but please read through it. The project is really meaningful to me and it is a very important topic that has become relatively taboo in our society. Please take the ten minutes out of your day to consider what I have to say, and stick with me throughout the rest of my time working on the project because chances are, I will be blogging about this a lot.

The background: Long story short, Senior Project is something that looms over every single Cal Poly student's head every day of their time at the university. It is a project that every single student has to do before they graduate. The project has specific guidelines which must be followed (such as writing a research paper and/or conducting a practical project - but I won't get into all those details unless you ask) in order to make it valid.  The project will then be published and available at the Cal Poly library forever.

**Intro to my project: Instead of doing a research paper or working with a local organization/business that I had no personal connection to, I wanted to base my project off of something that really mattered to me and hit close to my heart. I was very fortunate to stumble upon a group of girls who had just begun to work on a project that fit what I wanted to do perfectly. It just so happened that I needed to start my senior project, and they needed someone to do public relations (which is what I will - hopefully - do when I graduate). The project I will be working on for the next four months is called the Love Out Loud Campaign which is a depression, self-harm, and suicide prevention campaign. I will be the public relations director for the campaign.

**Project Overview: The Love Out Loud Campaign aims to encourage communication and self-expression in order to work through depression and suicidal thoughts. The campaign wishes to create a safe environment where students and other community members feel safe to share their personal struggles, thoughts, and experiences. Through the campaign, we hope to educate, inform, and transform the Cal Poly campus into one that is knowledgeable, tolerant, and supportive in regards to depression; a campus which doesn't simply accept what they have heard about the subject, but one which changes the perceived norms of depression and suicide. Though this begins with Cal Poly, our hope is to create a larger community that reaches out and touches the hearts of anyone who either deals with these matters personally or has experienced them with friends, family members, co-workers, or any other person in their lives. By opening communication and encouraging creative outlets, the Love Out Loud campaign will help those who may feel hopeless or alone to find and establish a foundation of safety and love.

**In order to promote the campaign we will host an event which will include a benefit concert and awareness fair. The event will take place on Saturday, February 26 and will begin late afternoon with an awareness fair featuring student clubs, support groups, and the different health services which are available not only on campus, but also in the surrounding San Luis Obispo community. Different student groups, performers, and artists will be showcasing their work throughout the awareness fair and during the concert. The concert will be a combination of speakers, performers, and bands who feel strongly about the topic of depression. Our keynote speaker is Kevin Hines, a man who jumped off the Golden Gate bridge and survived with full mobility. In addition to Mr. Hines, we will also be hosting different bands, student performers, and speakers who have personal connections with the topic.

That is the basic overview of it. I just had to write this to get it out there and make sure that I blogged about all the overview-details before I got into the other little, more specific things. 

So now you know what I'm working on - it is a suicide, self-harm, and depression campaign. Let me know if you have any further questions or if you want to contribute to the cause or attend the event. Of course I will be blogging about it more, but this was the first step that I have been fighting against for a very long time. Why you ask? Well because I thought it was going to take a lot longer than it did to write the post. Yup, that's it. I'm done. 

Please let me know any thoughts you have on the topic, or if you have any advice/ideas/comments/whatever else you want. Also, please check us out at our website and on Facebook (you can become a fan). Any feedback would be absolutely amazing. I love hearing from you. Also, if you want to help us out by posting information on your blog or website, we would love any support and/or publicity you can give us. Every little bit helps - even emotional support and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. 

Website: www.loveoutloudcampaign.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/TheLoveOutLoudCampaign

**This part was written for my professional website at rachelegan.weebly.com as my senior project overview. That's why it is a little more formal. There was really no point in re-writing it again if I was basically going to be saying the exact same info. 

day 5

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 - Something you love about yourself

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do

Day 7 - Someone who has made your life worth living for

Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit

Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on

Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 - A hero that has let you down. (write a letter).

Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Day 16 - Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 - (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 - Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.

Day 23 - Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 - Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today.

Day 26 - Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 - What's the best thing going for your right now?

Day 28 - What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 - Something you  hope to change about yourself and why.

Day 30 - A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I could sit here and tell you how the thing that I want to do more than anything in my life is to be truly happy. That I want to find a job I love, a man who loves me and vice versa, have a family of my own, and neighbors that I get along with and who's kids play with mine. That would all be true, but where's the fun in that?

Instead, I will tell you about one of my dreams. I have always wanted to be able to dance really well. It doesn't matter what kind of dance - ballet, ballroom, break, square, "club" - whatever, I just want to be good at it. (And by "club" I guess I mean being able to go to a club or a bar or a party and dance with my friends without feeling extremely awkward.)

Of course, I will never become a great/professional dancer at any of those types of dance, but like I said, it has always been something that I wanted to do. I took some dance classes in high school, they were like jazz/contemporary, but I wasn't very good at it. I think I'm too self conscious to actually enroll in a dance class now, but maybe once I get over that (which I will do... eventually) I will enroll in a class at a local gym or dance studio.

So that's what I hope I will do in my life. I hope I will be able to dance. (And the happiness, good job, loving family, great neighbors, and wonderful children thing would be cool too... just saying.)

new idea for resolution making

Happy New Year! I hope you had a wonderful time ringing in 2011!

If you red my blog on a regular basis, you have probably noticed that I use a lot of ideas from other people's blogs. I read their entries, save the posts/ideas I like, and use those things to my advantage. One of the blogs I read, "After I Do" by Krysten (you may have seen some of her ideas in a couple of my other posts - I highly recommend reading her blog), started a "101 in 1001" list a while ago. It is a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days. That  I loved this idea, so I am starting my own... TODAY.

Because my  new year's resolutions never really work for me (I always give up, or forget about them, or stop doing them for one reason or another) I figured I would come up with a 101 in 1001 list. My list consists of things that I think will make my life better, make me a stronger person, or just things that I want to accomplish. I am starting today, January 1, 2011 which means that I should have everything on this list completed by September 27, 2013. My blog will track my accomplishments, and every time I finish something on the list, I will cross it off and put the date it was completed (See Krysten's for an example).

Without further adieu, here is my list (thus far...):

1. Finish my 101 in 1001 list
2. Read at least one book for pleasure every month for a year
3. Read books from the New York Times Best Seller list and Oprah's Book Club
4. Visit important sites from WWII in Europe, including Concentration Camps
5. Graduate from college
6. Get a job after college graduation
7. Save at least 1/3 of each paycheck I receive
8. Do something important - something that matters and is selfless
9. Get back in shape
10. Send postcard(s) to Post Secret
11. Make new friends
12. Visit my little sister at Penn State
13. Don't move back in with my parents after graduation
14. Visit Las Vegas
15. Cook more
16. Eat Healthier
17. Learn how to sew
18. Experience a Flash Mob
19. Stop biting my nails
20. Donate money to a good cause
21. Take vitamins every day 
22. Do five things that scares me
23. Learn how to sew (more than just aprons)
24. Finish my Spain scrapbook
25. Wear more "stylish" everyday clothes (not just jeans and t-shirts)
26. Write more handwritten letters
27. Watch at least 10 movies that I haven't seen from AFI's top 100
28. Make this blog worth reading
29. Write a letter to the Glamour magazine editors
30. Win a giveaway on someone else's blog
31. Purge on all the unnecessary things I have in my rooms at my parents' houses
32. Buy an updated digital SLR
33. Have something of mine published in a magazine or newspaper
34. Become fluent in Spanish - I'm advanced, but not fluent
35. Spend more time with my family (sisters, cousins, parents)
36. Go on more photo shoots
37. Learn how to use my digital SLR to it's highest capabilities
38. Use my old manual SLR camera to take more black and white pictures
39. Develop black and white pictures at a photo lab
40. Subscribe to Glamour magazine
41. Develop/purchase a stylish work wardrobe
42. Answer "50 questions that will free your mind"
43. Make cupcakes from scratch
44. Send myself a postcard from every destination I visit
45. Move to a new city/state
46. Transfer more money into my savings account than out
47. Participate in Operation Beautiful
48. Track finances
49. Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day
50. Organize e-mail account
51. Organize iPod - delete unwanted songs
52. Find a personally inspirational quote and work it into a piece of art or home decor
53. Try a new recipe a month, for a year

That's about all I can think of right now. But if you saw item number one on my list, you know that finishing the list is a part of the list! (hehe)

Also, I love Krysten's idea of saving $5 for every item I complete and donating $5 for every item I don't complete, so I am adding that as one of the inspirations for the list.

P.S. If any of you have ideas for me to add to my list, let me know! I always love to hear your input :)