a year ago today

A year ago today my world almost fell apart. My family almost collapsed and with it my entire world would have fallen apart and my life would have been changed forever. Today brings back those memories. We have all been dealing with the whole "situation" (for lack of a better word - and believe me, we have definitely talked about what to call "it" over and over, the subject has been talked to death - no pun intended) for the past year. Honestly, I don't think I have ever really talked about it. I don't think I've ever really cried about it or freaked out about it or dealt with it because I don't really know how to do any of that. I don't know how to bring up the subject, I don't know what to say or who to say it to.

All I can say right now is that today was tough. It was stressful and exhausting and I couldn't even think about anything that I wanted to think about (well actually didn't want to think about but had to think about for my own sanity and emotional strengthening). Actually, I didn't think about any of it until a Facebook status pulled in my attention and I got in my car to go for a drive and then a song came on the radio and the tears started falling. The song that came on was "Shape I'm In" by Joe Nichols. At that point my heart hurt so bad and I realized that I just can't do it alone anymore. I stopped at Michael's house and got a huge, much needed hug.

By the time I got home my face was tear streaked so Stephanie and I just sat around for a while and listened to music. Sad, depressing music. Happy, uplifting music. Hercules music. The Sound of Music music. And I made a "Soundtrack to October 26" play list so that I can listen to it and cry... or I can listen to it and feel happy that my life DIDN'T fall apart a year ago today and that we are all healing... together.

In addition, I have found a campaign to work on for my Senior Project for next quarter. I will write more on it later but it is relevant to this post because it is a campaign that will help me heal. It will be a creative and productive outlet for me to use as a means of healing and moving forward. Hopefully I can help others as well, and maybe save a few lives in the process. (Like I said, I will explain all this in a later post).

As for right now, I will include a little play list with a few of my songs from my "Soundtrack to October 26" playlist.



And a text from Aubrea because she always knows what to say to make me feel better:
Me: I'm trying not to cry and I don't wanna call my parents because I know I'd break down if I did, but having your support is amazing. You're the best.
Aubrea: They are good tears rachel! Go ahead and let yourself feel it - how amazing and beautiful it is that she is here today! these are time where we can look back and be thankful for renewal and hope in the world :)