Monday, February 15, 2010

One more day with you...

A few weeks ago I had a dream. I don't normally remember my dreams, and even if I do they are pretty foggy. This one, however, stuck with me. For some reason, for the past few weeks, I have thought about that dream every single day.

When I was 12, my aunt died from a very rare form of cancer. She was my dad's little sister. She couldn't have children, even though she would have made the most amazing mother ever. Because she couldn't have kids, she devoted her life to taking care of my sisters and I, as well as all the kids in her neighborhood. She would throw us tea parties, sleepovers, and send us cards for every single holiday ever invented (including groundhogs day and other holidays like that).

Every single time I see my grandmother, she tells me how much I resemble my aunt. Whenever she would bring it up, I used to tear up right then and there and I'd have to excuse myself from the room because it hurt too much to hear. Now, I've done better with it. I can continue with the conversation and hold in my tears until I'm alone in my room, then I can just let myself cry.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a dream about my Aunt Judy. It wasn't a dream that she was still alive, but it was a dream that I got to have another day with her. That I woke up one morning, and she was there and I got to have just one day with her. Now, normally my memory of her is a bit foggy, but in my dream, it all came back. The way she used to hug me, how she wore her hair, her smell... for some reason, I could remember every single thing about her. I don't remember what we did with that day, but I remember that when I went to sleep at the end of my day with her, I somehow knew everything was going to be okay. It was like spending that day with her made everything alright. She told me she was proud of me and that she wishes she could have been there for high school graduation and to hear when my sisters and I got our college acceptance letters. When she was tucking me into bed at the end of the dream, we both knew she wouldn't be there when I woke up. I was so sad, but I was also comforted.

When I woke up the next morning, I had tear stained cheeks and my heart hurt. I am not a dream de-coder so I dont know what that dream meant. I don't know if it's a sign for something, or if someone somewhere is trying to tell me something... I just don't know.

All I know is that it has stuck with me. And now I can remember how she used to hug me and how it felt to have her around. And now I also remember how much it hurt to lose her.

This song pretty much sums it up:
One more day - Diamond Rio

I wish I could have one more day with her... but then again...

No comments: